To Break the Monotony

Looking far back, I remember that I intended for this blog to have more uplifting, encouraging and enlightening content. But as Murphy's Law would dictate, it's usually one unfavourable event after another.

It's been an unconventional life going for me these past few years. Through it all, I am grateful to God who has seen me through every part of it. Despite my disobedience and defiance in certain aspects of my life, He still accepts me when I repent. The evidence is that He still blesses me through providence to get by day to day.

I have learned and do admit that I am a man who should not be trusted with power. It turns me arrogant and causes me to do dumb stuff. After having learnt it the hard way, I am pretty content with my life's situation and would never ever again ask God, why I am poor.

Though it is my desire to start a family, I do pray that God would extend His providence to my future children as well. Although I believe that I still have some lessons more before I am ready to be a parent.

Majority Rules

For decades, democracy has been marketed as the way a country should run. Where its people are free from "oppressive" laws, which forbids them from living their lives the way they want. This in turn is marketed as denying them freedom.

Nowadays, the term democracy seems to be melded or infused with the term freedom. Most people today would often overlook it as synonymous given how it is portrayed as such time and time again in the media, especially those from Land of the Free, where its media in form of TV shows, movies and songs have conquered and indoctrinated most parts of the developed world with its ideals, beliefs, lifestyles and even errors - which people blindly emulate.

I've heard of many theories of how the US was meant as a prototype nation allowed by the British empire (whom have been alleged to be as part of the world's secret order). The prototype nation would serve to experiment on its denizens with all kinds of philosophies and beliefs that was already planned and set into motion centuries back. Today, we see the results of the long term cultivation.

To name a few of what is apparent and accepted as the norm today: rebellion against authority; rebellion against parents; promiscuity without fear of consequences; self-entitlements; and many more. To summarise, people want to decide for themselves what is right and wrong in their own eyes. People want to be their own rulers in their world, in a sense determining what should and should not be accepted in their lives.

When I was younger, I used to frown upon the conservative ways of Asians thinking that their ways were too stifling and depriving. But as I grew older, learning through mistakes of my own and others, I realise the significance.

As history has shown, any nation that grows to a certain pinnacle of its civilisation, would eventually bring destruction upon itself through its depravity. Depravity always originates from man wanting more and more to satiate his senses due to being immune or taking for granted everyday things. This happens when life becomes too easy and comfortable.

Democracy was practised in the ancient Greek and Roman empire. Where are they now?

Moving back to the topic at hand, democracy among many definitions mean the rule of the majority. Often people misplace their trust that the majority is always right. But if you believe that there is no higher being who has the absolute position to determine what is right and what is wrong... then morality simply becomes a label for people to decide what is right and wrong in their own eyes. But since we can all agree that nobody is perfect, whose morality would offer better credence?

Just like how the many countries of the world who backed and measure the value of their own currency against the US dollar, which at one time was backed by gold (and now isn't). But there are some who believe in making power for themselves without the reliance on the US, such as China or Russia. Who then would be more reliable?

A world where everybody does what he/she wants based on what is right in his/her own eyes, will only cause repercussions (most often bad) for people around them. Most people think themselves as one ripple in a pool of water. But in reality, it is a large scale of so many venn diagrams which cause overlapping effects to each and everybody's lives. In short chaos.

Why is there so much evil in the world? Simple. A combination of "freedom" and selfishness. Now, do you trust a collection of people who can't even live their lives in consideration of other people, to know what is best for a country as a whole?

If you still believe in a yes, then the next question would be "what makes you qualified to tell others how they should live their lives?"

Positioning Value

I had a conversation with a friend recently about what defines success in life. The secular and most common view would be having "made it"; whereby one has attain financial or social status which seemingly grant power to do things that could not possible (or legal) otherwise. But more or less it goes back to being tied with money.

Do fancy clothes, smartphone, car or house signify a person's success in life? Sure, only if those are the end goals the person has in life. Take that all away and what is the person to others?

Until this very day, I cannot comprehend why people look up to those who attain some sort of materialistic status. These sycophants will do what they can to be associated with, or recognised by the person whom they put on the pedestal. All this despite the person having almost nothing to do with them. Why admire a person who has done nothing good for others? Why admire them for the things they own and not the good that they do for others?

Personally, I respect and look up to people who have made something out of their lives from little to nothing. Without help from anybody. Where they had to rise above stifling insults and discouraging remarks.

Not 30-year-olds who became billionaires through the advantage of having rich parents. In fact that should be the status quo, where rich people's kids are expected to perform at a minimum requirement that is higher than those who have not.

What is the value of a man when you remove all his material belongings and his looks? What is his heart like? Would he still be as admirable or desirable as he was with his wealth?

The world is getting more messed up as time goes by because of the propagation in valuing the wrong things. People are willing to sacrifice their dignity lining up for dim sum on Sunday mornings, or herded like cattle for the latest iPhone. Why? Because everybody else is doing it.

It has come to the point where things which were once thought ridiculous is now accepted and even cool to do. It has come to the point where everybody thinks it's okay to be introverted. It has come to the point where the current society allows it to be acceptable to communicate with each other by text through fingers as oppose to words from mouth, face to face.

Time changes indeed, but shouldn't it be for the better? The current and next generation should be an improvement to our predecessors as oppose to requiring more handicap.

People are caring less about what is right or wrong. People are compromising on them, trying to gray out every black and white. Little by little, before they know it, society's foundations would have all but erode. Is this the sign of evolution perhaps?

Too Many Takers, Not Enough Givers

In this day and age, with social media having become part of our daily rituals, it is so easy to share media of interests with our social circles of family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances. Endangered are the days where people actually had to make time to physically hang out with others just to catch up or share the latest on what’s going on in each other’s lives. The contemporary and convenient medium of staying in touch with people we know, have also simplified the methods of communication a little too much.

The internet is an expansive sea of information; a library of data on so many things that is readily available at our fingertips. No doubt this availability and accessibility has changed the lives of many. I am privileged to have witness the change in society’s general level of intellect from the beginning of the internet days since dial-up days. The generation of today will never understand how challenging it was for some of us of the older generation to gain access to the world. People today just casually open their browsers be it on a computer or a smartphone... the latter mostly. Come to think of it, we have a new generation of people who don’t even bother about the computer anymore and just rely on their phones or tablets. I feel sorry for them but that’s another topic altogether so I digress.

So information is readily available now, and with social media, it’s all about copy and pasting a website link of interesting articles of videos, which people come across and feel like sharing it with whom they know. It has become so simple that people do it without thinking. Just like turning on a light switch in a dark room without even needing to make sure if the correct switch was turned on. So people now have become used to consume whatever is on their “walls”. Notice that ironically it is called the “feed”.

Finally getting to the point of it all. There are just too many people who take in works of others, whether it is point of views, creativity and yes, even principles. The thoughts of the typical internet user is becoming more and more homogenised, as more and more people agree on the same things, which before they know it, reduces them to cyber sheep plugged into “the Matrix”. Banding together with followers who believe in the same thing, and waging proverbial wars against those who don’t - this whole “group think” while some tout as a good way to share knowledge, has a high risk of becoming more like a hive mind, where everybody only knows the same things which were fed to them.

The majority relies and become dependent on a selected few who are brave enough to voice out their opinions. They often end up as either heroes or villains - depending on the audience’s preferred views - and put on pedestals like some sort of idol to be looked up to.

There is not enough individuals producing and sharing their own personal and original thoughts, views and works. It’s fine to agree, it’s fine to disagree but for their own sakes, please provide their own thought-up opinions on why. It is little wonder as to why more and more of the younger generation appear to have issues in the work place, being unable to think for themselves and take initiative. Being unable to manage tasks and solve problems. We would always conveniently blame it on the education system. Oh yes, the education system does play an important role in shaping the mind of our “future leaders”. But what of those geniuses in our history who failed school?

What I hope to see is more people producing and sharing more personalised content. More thoughts of their owns. There are too many people who look at somebody’s work and go “this guy is good!” They show their appreciation and that’s the end of it. They don’t feel inspired or motivated to create their own. Everybody looks up to people like Patrick Teoh, Raja Petra Kamaruddin, Erna Mahyuni, Mariam Mokhtar and more. They are great examples of people who write and share their opinions with the world. If you truly appreciate their thoughts, then honour them (in this case) by creating works and words of your own. If you subscribe to their point of views, then reinforcing theirs by sharing your own. And if you disagree, share with people around you the reasons.

It doesn’t have to be writings. It could be work of arts, music, videos... anything! We need more heroes, we need more leaders, we need more originality, we need more legacies.

Misogyny, Misandry and Sundry

Since the most recent and tragic incident - where some guy murdered a bunch of girls in a sorority house, while killing innocent bystanders along the way, which yes, included other males as well - a lot of girls and women alike, some proudly donning the feminist label, have taken the opportunity, jumping on the bandwagon to berate about the evils of misogynistic men... or just men, by their definition. To some of them, it may as well be synonymous. And this is something I find impudent.

If these people - noticed I am referring to a selected group, neither generalising nor stereotyping - would be so kind as to be more specific in their gripes instead of implying that “all men are like that”, we wouldn’t have an issue. I would even be more open to understanding them had they actually contributed personal experiences as to what made them have those point of views where all men are misogynists; all men don’t respect women; and whatever else claims of the same effect.

By now to some it may be obvious that a generalising statement on “men” - just because some carry themselves poorly - speaks volumes about the accusers. If there is one thing that the accusers have in common, is that they all have issues with the opposite gender, which, I believe stems from home. Or some may have even adopted the cause second hand, just because others are doing it.

Let’s not forget, that we all have our own issues, our own history and how they influence us to be who we are today. Some people choose to learn from experiences, becoming better individuals, some just revel in articulating themselves as victims of circumstances.

More often than not, these articles, whether written by male or female, keep going on and on about the male for committing an atrocious act against the other gender. They keep poking and analysing over the fact that the guy committed the act and judge - yes I said judge - the guy for the crime(s), which he committed. They never bother to study the history of the person as what may have contributed to him becoming who he is. Nobody cares about that. Everybody just wants to get on their high horse and verbally lynch the guy.

I cannot claim to be without fault. But can the rest of them do so? Who are they to use people involved in the incidents as their metaphorical pinata, to run their mouths off, figuratively behind their backs, in the safety and comforts of anonymity behind their screens. And just because of them, how did the accusers lead to stereotyping every other guy as the same?

Yes, the most recent incident of the guy who killed a bunch of people, with spotlight and emphasis on the sorority girls, was indeed a terrible incident. But must other guys, receive a carpet bombing treatment if only to satiate these accusers and their insatiable anger, despite how said incident never affected them directly at all?

Instead of mindlessly condemning others, why not be appreciate that there are others who aren't as such? And be thankful that what we read in the news, is not a common thing. Since it's not a common thing, why do they need to whinge as though it is?

When you stereotype and generalise others, you bring yourself down. When you paint everybody with the same brush and colour, don’t complain about how it all looks the same. Perhaps it's because the perpetrator was on the receiving end of being stereotyped and despised in the first place, which led him to cause such a tragic act. Think about it.

Is your reaction of hate, perpetuating this cycle?

Of Logic and Emotions

I don't remember if I used the title before, but oh well...

I have often been criticised for being too logical and void of emotions when it comes to presenting solutions for problems. Some people find my solutions as ruthless in its method of execution and they couldn't imagine how they were able to bring themselves to do it. My argument would be that it would be the most effective way of handling it. The most effective way... as in, direct to the point; the straightest the line possible from point A to B.

As I've said before previously that I deal with facts, as much data as possible to reduce the possibilities and probabilities of making errors. It is typical that people are appreciative of the results but not so much the means. Don't worry, I never resort to anything underhanded or unethical.

When I was young, I was filled with emotion. I had a less than an ordinary growing up experience. In short, whatever problems I encounter, were mine to deal with whether I liked it or not. It has gotten to the point where getting upset and crying was too troublesome and not productive at all. One day I decided to rid myself of as much emotion as possible wherever possible and instead, focus on thinking logically on how to deal with the situation at hand. Over time of course, I became accustomed to it.

As the saying goes, that your strength is also your weakness. I came to the point of being having a greater clarity in discernment where others couldn't. It would be rather apparent to me while others would struggle to see what I did. My displeasure for their inability would be visible and that would cause unpleasantries. I could never understand why were unable to see things as I did. I slowly discovered that I had gained heightened awareness in certain areas at the cost of my humanity and compassion.

Dishonesty Veiled

Dishonesty has always been one of my greatest hate. If a war could be waged upon it, I would gladly lead that war in the front lines.

How is it that people can lie through their teeth without blinking an eye. Better yet, how are they able to believe in their own fabrication to the point it has become reality in their minds. They rather face believe their lies than to face the real truth and accept responsibility for their actions.

With such people who refuse to be accountable for their actions, how can anybody entrust anything important to them? Important things, like friendship and love. There is nothing to stop them from stabbing you as they see your back.

Liars will go all out of their way to embellish their story or false alibi in hopes of selling you their story, and hope you pay for it, with your trust, and more. For every question to their questionable action, they will always have some sort of excuse or "cover line" of which to evade the subject at hand.

They say action speaks louder than words... There is a good reason for that saying which lives on until this very day. A person who is trustworthy, does not need to sell himself. People will know through the consistency of his actions. Consistency. Perseverance.

If it's too good to be true, it probably is. I am a firm believer of working for my gain. Whatever I have, is through "toiling the earth" the honest way. You can only go so far in being dishonest.

Nothing good can start from deception and betrayal. And nothing will end well because of it.

Whoever loves righteousness, hates wickedness. Whoever loves wickedness, hates righteousness.

You cannot escape the truth, so might as well live responsibly because we all will face judgment in the end.

Exodus: The Road

Nearer towards the end of 2012, I received an email from a company who was my client during my previous work life. They asked if I could help with their work, which I had been doing for them annually for the past five years. Being cautious, and of principle, I had to make sure that I would not have been unknowingly stealing a client from my previous work place. After confirmations, I agreed to take the job. For some strange reason I believed that God provided me with the opportunity as some form of sustenance during my "rest". While taking up the job imposed several obstacles, I said to Him that if this is what He wanted, it would be what I will do. Failure or success would be part of His plan.

I had applied to several companies in hopes of eventually landing some interviews. I would like to think that I am one of those people with the worst luck when it comes to applying for jobs. All these job search sites might as well be liars to me.

Meanwhile a friend had been pushing me to meet up with a friend of hers who ran a headhunting agency for a while. I was reluctant to go the entire time because I just did not feel at ease meeting them on top of that prior to leaving my previous job, I barely had any time to myself. So it came to the point where I had nothing to lose, so I relented. I thought the idea of a headhunting agency was to help you get a job, but the owner of this company seemed to be more interested to tell me about his success story of where he is today and to also find faults with me. If that had been his intention all along, then I commend him for a job well done. The experience that day only served to reinforce my reservations for accepting people's help. Despite them meaning well, sometimes it does more harm than help. This would also be an extra point in going against the common saying of "How would you know if you don't try?", "Give them a benefit of a doubt." and "You are too quick to judge."

My senses have rarely let me down. It's when I allow others the benefit of a doubt that I more often than not, end up getting burned for it.

Later on, another friend, with whom I am often at odds recommended me to apply at a company who had a vacancy for a writer. The interview went well, the interviewer was impressed. However I did not get the job due to some fancy jargon, with which I could have made my own assumptions but I chose not to care. I just said to God, that this was probably His doing and that I trusted Him in the entire situation.

Time was and is still drawing closer towards my big day of symbolising my life's commitment to my beloved and without a certain way of securing a monthly income, the heat started to get more uncomfortable. During my idle time as well, I made it an effort to be of help to anyone I could. To the very least become a person whom they could talk to. Since I had nothing better to do anyway, might as well do some good.

As time went on, I felt that I was being spoken to from several sources that said the same thing.

Exodus: Truly?

For those who know me, as much as I try to write about positive aspects of life, I tend to digress towards being my old self where I observed and criticised the behaviour of people in general. Most of the time my thoughts dwell on the negative. Though I have tried adding constructive criticisms; treating the effects as symptoms and understanding the cause while attempting to provide a suggestion or remedy, if you will. As I struggled with my life for the past few months, I now realise that it was during that time in the proverbial wilderness and silence was when my attention was brought back to God.

In the quiet wait of uncertainty, it was a constant battle but fortunately a stalemate between keeping calm while trusting Him and giving up, giving in to despair. Looking back at my other experiences, it seems to be a recurring pattern. It always comes down to being left with nothing before I am able to regain focus of Him and when that happens, everything would fall into place.

To write it so plainly, does not do justice. It reads as though it is merely as simple as returning to Him and everything becomes right as rain. I wish it were so. Perhaps it would have been easier if I were a child. Back then it was easier to trust and to try. And as I grow older, the comfort and safety of routine becomes more enticing. The uncertainties of life just becomes more real. Unlike most normal families, I never had much of a safety net others would know their parents to be. Come to think about it, my life has been somewhat like AirAsia; no frills, except that I didn't get to choose the flight.

Anyways for those who know me, I was out of a job for the final quarter of 2012. It was indeed a big risk to have quit my previous job without securing the next. It was no surprise that most of my friends somehow radiated their aura of disapproval of my decision and could only cover it with weak words of encouragement. I don't blame them and I do agree with their thoughts. Any right-minded, logical-thinking person would not have done so. I would like to believe that it was "now or never" at that point of time as the only way was up. If you watched The Dark Knight Rises, you would remember Bane's prison. Yeah something like that.

During the four months of being unemployed. I tried to relax as much as I could by passing the time with activities I enjoy. Surprisingly, or maybe unsurprisingly my high blood pressure went down. I managed to get more rest than I would have gotten while working in the previous job. I also only ate whenever I was hungry, which also contributed to a weight lost. I did what I could to distract myself from freaking out at the thought of indefinite unemployment. I would not have been affected so much if I did not have a wedding in the coming few months.

Being the skeptic and cynic that I am, despite brothers and sisters being so kind with words of encouragement that everything would be alright and that He had it all covered. I somewhat felt that perhaps I would never be good enough for any job given my track record of less than decent performances since high school days. I was never a good student because I had a difficult time grasping the concept of what teachers and lecturers convey. I often thought that maybe I was slow or had some unknown disability. Needless to say, self esteem was always much desired.

Towards the end of 2012, I often kept hearing people talk about being obedient to God, though I never paid much attention to it. I already had a hard time straining to "listen" for His voice. I always wonder how God speaks to so many people but I could never hear Him. What sin did I commit to render myself deaf? Little did I know what was in store for me.

Settling the Murky Waters

What a day today was. Even though they were simple things, regular things. Things that others do like breathe, second nature. But for me I am as always grateful and happy just like being thankful for being alive.

My time together with her today has been enlightening, albeit a little more but still a significant step towards understanding the way we are. My walk with her started out with disagreements in taste of clothing. She asked me if there was anything I would like to see. Now for those who are not discerning, my answer would have sounded like off tangent or even provocative but I meant it to be a holistic response. I replied that there is nothing else that I would like to see because whatever I like is often met with disapproval anyway.

But the entire time while I was silent, I was thinking to myself about her choice in clothing. Most of the articles of clothing she was interested in did not really appeal to me. I felt as though they were not special. They were rather bland in a background person kind of way. If I were to dress, it would need to bear some identity. People would need to go,"Oh yes. This is definitely him/her," or "This person has a distinct style."

Just like how my past of wearing black has lingered still. Only because I cannot afford new threads and I have yet to find something that really makes me need to get it.

I had monologues before concerning people who like certain clothing because it looks nice on its own or on a model but they never took into consideration whether it would look good on them. But anyways, I chose not to be bothered by it. I also realised that I may have been imposing my expectation of identity on her. Though on the flipside, it would be nice if one day people could look and her and go, "Wow they certainly have good taste." One can only dream.

Regardless of that whole thought it was time for lunch and everything previously was washed away with heavy dosage of alcohol. Though the sensation was thrilling, it was also scary how liquid could affect one's ability to function properly.

At the end of the trip, I am glad to know more about her and what she likes but I also hope that she would try my suggestions instead of straight dismissal. After all at the end of the day, we like what makes us look good.

What a day today was. Even though they were simple things, regular things. I am glad that I learned more today.

Attention to Details

Ever had those situations when you were a kid where you wanted something so much and will always be met with a "no" for whatever reason? It could be "no money" or just plain "no". And when by some miracle that you finally get a yes, you find out at stores that they're out of stock? In some situations, you get to see somebody grab the last piece before you?

Do you remember how did that feel? Sometimes, not only are you disallowed to wallow in your misery, someone would try to make things better by going: "How about this instead?" Most of the time you would realise it was a worse deal. Very seldom it is a better deal. But the fact remains that the one, which you wanted most is gone and most likely may never be yours. All these feels as though it is additional insult to the injury. The pain is just too much.

Sometimes people try to understand you, they attempt albeit with the greatest effort to listen to you. However try as they may, they just cannot seem to understand. And sometimes you feel or you could swear that it is so simple and yet they cannot see it when it is right in front of them. You resign in frustration and anger, sometimes sorrow. Perhaps the only way for you to get what you want is by doing it yourself.

How can people be so dense? Are they truly such or are they actually indifferent to your needs and wants? Sometimes you wonder if they truly care, where if they did they would have had no difficulty understanding what you were trying to express. Sometimes you wonder if you are the weird one who seems to see things that are not there.

Change Yourself, Change the World

No doubt that trust is a hard thing to do for most people. However, they need to realise that no man is an island. No one person can be self sufficient for the rest of his life. There are arguments that there have been many people in history or people that they know who have lived a lone existence.

They often forget to notice the loneliness that these people have to quietly suffer. Guaranteed. Humans as well as any creatures are not designed to be alone. The proof is the feeling of hurt when being criticised, insulted... rejected. Everyone would be happy to be in the presence of people who talk to them, welcome them... accept them. It is when they are hurt by people, which causes them to shy away. Avoiding the pain of being rejected. The absence of acceptance. If a person is fine on his own, he would be immune to ill treatment and never need to resort to living away from others in the first place!

I roll my eyes whenever somebody says she does not care about anyone anymore because of how she was mistreated and that she wished that she cease to exist, which would end all the suffering she supposedly is going through. See, the problem already begins with such a selfish view of life. "Everybody is hurting me. Everybody takes me for granted. Everybody doesn't care about me."

First of all, has she ever done anything for these people to earn their care and respect?
If yes and they are still that way, then why be around them any longer? Why continue seeking acceptance from non-sources? If the problem lies within other people, why desire to destroy one's self?

Believe it or not, people who like to play victim to their own chosen circumstances are egotistical. Even in their misery they claim the whole world despise their existence. Please, I'm sure most of these people have better things to do than waste their energy hating you.

* * * * *

Like it or not, humans depend on one another to get by more comfortably. Just because a batch of people has been a disappointment does not mean the rest of the world is the same. We just have to move on and search for other groups of people who would be more accepting.

Some people don't wish to get out of their predicament. They should not be angry at anybody but themselves. This is the result of being used to having everything handed to them easily. Everything they ever wanted previously was acquired without so much as breaking a sweat or even choosing the easy way out. One person I know used to say "the path of least resistance".

Going out of the way to avoid troubles in life will only cause us to be inexperienced. How then are we to face more difficult problems ahead when we have not learnt the previous "lessons" before? A person can only escape and avoid so much. Sooner or later it will catch up with them. It is just like skipping school or not taking examinations.

If you do not have elementary school qualifications, how do you move on to high school? How do you move on to a good college? How do you move on to a good university? How do you ensure that you have some experience and knowledge to ensure you are more eligible for the job? How will you move up in rank without the experiences from the job?

* * * * *

If you think people find you useless or without worth. Would it not make sense to create the self value? As ideal as it may be to have everybody accept us for who we are, we need to change ourselves for the better. It is a collective effort on everybody's part. Just like the boat goes faster when everybody rows. And when everybody rows, it requires less effort for each stroke of the oar.

Once again as the great King of Pop sang, if you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make that change.

If you want people to accept you, respect you... give them reasons to. If you feel that is too much effort, then don't be surprised if people find it too much of an effort to like you.

Going That Extra

There are many people who are content with status quo; the way things are or as I would like to visualise on a graph reading, position zero. Status quo on its own, just is. Most of the time it would mean that it is neither great nor bad, which also means nothing is getting better. No improvement. No development. No growth.

People often like to look at status quo and say, "It could be worse!" or "At least I am not like so-and-so!" referring to somebody or something that is worse. In the visual graph, it would be in the negative value.

Has the world become so complacent that preventive measures of falling into the negative while maintaining the status quo become such an achievement or something to take pride in?

There are people who often ask why their lives seem to be going nowhere. Why are their lives not progressing, not improving, not growing? The answer is fairly simple. It is all because of status quo. To move on in one's journey of life towards becoming a better person for this life and the next, one has to endure trials and tribulations in order to become better.

A calm sea does not make a skilled sailor.

If a person wants everything to be the same, safe and predictable... comfortable... then that person will forever perpetuate the stagnation of their lives and its events. It is only when we strive for something better do we actually grow and learn. With the new knowledge based on experience, we are more equipped and prepared to handle other things to come.

Life's challenges are like the work you have at your job. The more you put it off until later, the more it will pile up. At the end of the day when you come back, you would still need to clear them.

I remember a person who wrote in a newspaper once. He said owning an email account was like managing a garden. If one does not tend to it regularly, more work needs to be put in in order to clear outstanding occurrences.

Some people have a lot of backlog to clear; problems that have been put off far too long, unforgiveness, closures to issues left hanging indefinitely. All these get in the way of our progress forward. When one wonders why their life is the way it is, they only need to stop and look at themselves first to see if it was something that they did not do.

When a person maintains the status quo or near it, that leaves little to no room for any incidences that would put him or her in the negative. In contrast to a person who is ever trying to reach higher and higher positives.

Levels of Faith

"For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, 'The just shall live by faith.' (Habakkuk 2:4)"
- Romans 1:17 (NKJV)

In tonight's sharing at my cell group. Words of encouragement has reached me while it also made me realise that I need to have more faith. Once again the daily grind has taken its toll on me, leaving less room for the mind to think and the body resorting to be independent of it, doing what needs to be done to get through the day in hopes of the next day being more hopeful to no avail.

I have become so occupied with daily works that I have forgotten about Him. I have forgotten to allow Him to help me. I have forgotten that He can take care of everything. I do admit after all He has done for me, it still is very difficult getting to the next level of faith.

From faith to faith. Every situation is another "test" of faith.

I have heard of people praying for their hair to turn from grey to black. I have heard of people praying for increased monthly income, reversing the effects of receding hairlines and command clouds to move.

I admit right here and now, my faith is not at that level yet. I have also learnt that He cannot work in our lives if we simply do not believe. As simple as it is, to say that all we need to believe... over the years, we have come to rely on the tangible. It is also fear that paralyses us from taking that step into what He has in plan for us.

My boss also once told me that it is fear that cripples us from progressing.

What do I fear? Just like most everybody; fear of failing. Fear of losing what I have. Logical fears, I know. However He wants us to put our trust in Him. I know He wants us to put everything on Him.

The more I think of it, the more I imagine Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where he struggled with the Leap of Faith, having to totally trust that he could walk over the ravine. That is the vision I have in my head whenever I think about totally trusting on Him.

The struggles of setting myself straight is difficult. It is something I already know that I must do but procrastinate for another day... and another day. I pray for strength of mind to do so.

Perception Management

"Stop deceiving yourselves. If you think you are wise by this world’s standards, you need to become a fool to be truly wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness to God. As the Scriptures say, 'He traps the wise in the snare of their own cleverness.' And again, 'The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise; He knows they are worthless.'"

- 1 Corinthians 3:18 - 20

Agree to disagree? That is only your own opinion. That is only their perception.

I agree there are some things that we can agree to disagree. Such as which flavour of ice cream is the best. What features constitutes physical attractiveness to an individual. How we choose to eat our food - do we prefer soup or kon low. Those are considered trivial to me and not worth participating in an argument over.

What I cannot agree to disagree are universal truths. In particular, my faith. The faith which is shared with many others. I do not wish to refer to it as a religion for we see it as more of a relationship with our God. If theology is not your cup of tea, kindly leave this article. Though I am in no means seeking to preach, I do wish to share about point of views. Perceptions.

It bothers me that there are those who do not wish to accept the truth of reality. They live in their own world thinking their logic and supposed wisdom is all they need as their moral compass to get by in life and partake in the splendours of the sweet hereafters when they die. In my faith, it is called heaven.

But if there are already guidelines, more experienced and elder people who may provide more insights into the beliefs and practice, it would not make any sense to not listen to them. If only to learn a fragment more than before. It would be something to gain compared to gaining nothing.

When a person denies everything else except for his own interpretations, how then can he claim to be a part of a larger group? If a person cherry picks what he wants to hear while throwing out all that is unpleasant to his ears, though he knows there is truths in them... how then can he claim to know enough?

It should be obvious if he who has done things his way for many years only to reach the same disappointing ending, that he would try to seek alternatives. Seeking alternatives, trying other practices that would even remotely seem like they have produced favourable results for other people.

Would that not pique his interest, causing him to ask, "What has that person been doing, that he has successful results? Maybe I should try it to see if it works."

Or should he go, "That is a different case, it surely won't work for me."

* * * * *

As I was relating this to a friend. I realised that a certain government also behaved the same way. Where international researches have showed the country's poor governance. And all the government would respond is by saying  the research results were merely the researchers' perception. While majority of the citizens of the country are feeling first hand, the research results. However the government chooses to stick its head in the sand.

* * * * *

As long there is no improvement needed, nothing will change. If nothing changes, there will be no improvement. Sadly, some people never see change in their lifetime. They should have asked themselves what could they have done to improve, rather than saying that they did all that they could. Nobody is perfect. So how can one self-regulate himself accurately? If there are others to learn from, would it not make sense to take advantage of that opportunity? Why reject them, thinking their views are not good? If they are not good, then why is what they have otherwise been employing, proven to be unsuccessful time and time again?

* * * * *

How can one shun the act of condemning a soul to be hopeless in being saved or helped when one condemns the land and its collective of people so easily of being hopeless in being saved? It may take years and years. Some people went through years and years of disappointment only to experience results eventually. So who is to say something cannot be saved when one has not even done anything in his capacity to help?

Persevering Through Trials and Loneliness

For the longest time I have always been alone. Now before you assume that I am over exaggerating or dramatising my life, I will briefly describe what it was like. So you know that I am not one of those that have to conjure issues in their lives because everything is just going too well for them.

When I was younger, my parents never had time for me. They were always busy with work and their own lives while I was left to my own devices. If any. My sister was never kind or pleasant to me. It felt as though she hated me for merely existing. Most of the days, I would talk to myself and imagine stories in my head to pass the time. What few toys I had were my tools to creating my own world, where I would determine how things should be.

School days were not so different. Never felt that I belonged in any group. Whenever I do make connections with individuals who seem to be of similar wavelength, they eventually sell out and join other groups and forget about me. I was the unattractive one, the poor one, the unfunny one. Those days, the unpopular ones were often the subject of ridicule, always seen as weird because they were not "one of the group".

You would think in college, kids should have been mature. If it is one thing college taught me was that, age is no indication of one's maturity, intelligence and wisdom. Sure as one ages, the expectation is set higher for them. Though it seems most people could care less.

These were the days where differing opinions, if they had any to differ in the first place, would determine the alienation.

Even at church I was "secretly" labelled as he who was of bad influence, where parents would tell their children to stay away from me. When I say "secret" I mean everybody knew but me.

At the late point of my life, I had already lost the want; the desire to belong to any particular group after experiencing the more often than not, hive mind behaviours in groups.

* * * * *

My friend recently reminded me that God did in fact say, "It is not good for man to be alone."

We were created not as self sufficient beings but as beings requiring to rely on each other. I have learnt in life that a burn or two does not make the whole world a blazing pyre. Humans are not perfect, will sooner or later disappoint. The idea is to not expect them to be perfect or be able to fulfill our hopes.

Just as we are unable to do certain things, so too must we see the same in others.

If a group does not welcome you, move along to the next. Just because there has been a streak of unwelcome does not make one unwelcome everywhere. The important thing is to persevere.

To look at how tall a mountain is and just sit there will not get one to the top. It requires steps; putting one foot in front of the other. No matter how long it takes, it will definitely happen. Again emphasising on the importance of perseverance.

* * * * *

Persevering is one thing, but one also needs to realise that if at first one does not succeed, one needs to examine and reflect what went wrong and to correct or improve. To repeat a same method and hoping for a different outcome is insanity.

Failures should be seen as indicators of what not to do, rather than rejection. True it is a rejection of what is wrong. The rejection has its reasons and those reasons need to be understood and appreciated. Only then will the desire to persevere becomes strengthened and fueled with cause.

Minimising Deficit

We are all human. All imperfect. However we are all called to strive to be as blameless as possible

Although it is not for me to decide, I still do wonder how much effort they make, or at all.

Do we take it for granted with every bit of awareness trying to bend as far as possible without breaking? Is it because we have never been burnt that we not yet fear?

Rhetorical questions to those that see, something important to think about to those that do not.

Hubris of Men

"All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants."
- John 3:20 - 21

I may have written about this in my previous blog. I do not remember. However since I cannot really remember the exact contains, I am certain that I may cover different areas this time around.

A person who truly seeks as much as knowledge as possible will realize that the more they learn, the less they know. Or as a character in a computer game said, to be good enough to know that there are always somebody superior than one's self. If that can be established one would be aware of his environment, the people around him, his capabilities and his limits.

Compared to one who believes he knows everything or perhaps somewhat less assured, believes he knows enough to not be wrong. Oh, the hubris... It still astonishes me when people defend themselves by lashing out, verbally, swinging wildly at the supposed accuser. Some of them at least try to justify their actions. Today for the first time in many, many years... I encountered one who attacked my personality with unfounded allegations which could not have been further from the truth.

This all started when I noticed her putting down a quote. My naturally inquisitive self copied and pasted her sentence in Google and it revealed the person who originally said it. So I replied to her, saying that Google is so helpful in helping detect plagiarism.

Needless to say it had struck a very raw nerve and she said I had an attitude problem and that I "love to "drag people down (with me)". I was accused of being a hater. Well, I am not about to convince her or anybody otherwise. As I have always say... those that know me, know me for what I am.

I wish to focus on the reason why she was so annoyed. There are many reasons that may have led to her reacting that way. It could be that she doesn't like it when people steal her thunder. Not that it was originally hers anyway. It could be that a keyword triggered some bad memories. Either way, my statement was in fact non-personal.

However, for a person to react that way to something that should be non-personal, kind of says a few things. It usually happens when a person feels that their pride has been stepped upon and they get enraged and seek to defend it at all cause, not knowing why. All they know is that they must deny their folly or the very least redirect attention elsewhere.

Rather than seek to solve a problem. They choose not to see. It is only a matter of time before they get a rude awakening if they do not deal with their problems as soon as possible. My only regret is getting in the way.

You've Got Your Troubles, I've Got Mine

For every popular person, there will be a whole lot of fans... and a whole lot of haters. Fans adore their idol for whatever reasons. From appreciating the attractive physical appearances to quality of personality. However today I would like to focus more on the haters.

I used to be a hater... perhaps I still am. However as years have gone by, I have become more relaxed. I used to be intolerant of other people and their fortunes in life, their privileges. Especially those that did not earn what they have. They were just by chance, born into a wealthy family.

I have rarely met people from privileged backgrounds who were kind, generous or even wise. They seem to always be so focused on themselves despite all their needs already fulfilled or would be. What vexes me is that they can actually lament about their woes in front of people who are obviously less fortunate than they.

The less fortunate get by with life despite the crises that the rich suffer from.

That was my personal beef. The fortunate, or the people who were better off than most, having the audacity to whine about their supposed lot in life. It is an insult to people below their status. It is a slap to the face.

After going through some messages. I now care less of what other people have, that I do not. Coveting something that was never meant to be mine is not productive, it does not help in any way. It only makes me bitter with what I have, casting it aside and just hoping to acquire what the have, to mimic their being? Would I really gain? What price would I have to pay to have what others have? What do I need to sacrifice? What is the point of hoping to gain that which comes to another effortlessly, while I have to give up so much for it?

Everyone has their blessings and shortcomings. Just because some people are seen in their good form does not mean they do not ever have problems. One person's crisis is another person's triviality. We may never ever see it in our lifetime, just as how others will never know the things we go through. But they are there.

Today, I carry my own cross. And I do not envy the cross of others.
When I am asked by He, "Do you love Me?"
I will not look to others as they will not have the answer I would need to give.