Misogyny, Misandry and Sundry

Since the most recent and tragic incident - where some guy murdered a bunch of girls in a sorority house, while killing innocent bystanders along the way, which yes, included other males as well - a lot of girls and women alike, some proudly donning the feminist label, have taken the opportunity, jumping on the bandwagon to berate about the evils of misogynistic men... or just men, by their definition. To some of them, it may as well be synonymous. And this is something I find impudent.

If these people - noticed I am referring to a selected group, neither generalising nor stereotyping - would be so kind as to be more specific in their gripes instead of implying that “all men are like that”, we wouldn’t have an issue. I would even be more open to understanding them had they actually contributed personal experiences as to what made them have those point of views where all men are misogynists; all men don’t respect women; and whatever else claims of the same effect.

By now to some it may be obvious that a generalising statement on “men” - just because some carry themselves poorly - speaks volumes about the accusers. If there is one thing that the accusers have in common, is that they all have issues with the opposite gender, which, I believe stems from home. Or some may have even adopted the cause second hand, just because others are doing it.

Let’s not forget, that we all have our own issues, our own history and how they influence us to be who we are today. Some people choose to learn from experiences, becoming better individuals, some just revel in articulating themselves as victims of circumstances.

More often than not, these articles, whether written by male or female, keep going on and on about the male for committing an atrocious act against the other gender. They keep poking and analysing over the fact that the guy committed the act and judge - yes I said judge - the guy for the crime(s), which he committed. They never bother to study the history of the person as what may have contributed to him becoming who he is. Nobody cares about that. Everybody just wants to get on their high horse and verbally lynch the guy.

I cannot claim to be without fault. But can the rest of them do so? Who are they to use people involved in the incidents as their metaphorical pinata, to run their mouths off, figuratively behind their backs, in the safety and comforts of anonymity behind their screens. And just because of them, how did the accusers lead to stereotyping every other guy as the same?

Yes, the most recent incident of the guy who killed a bunch of people, with spotlight and emphasis on the sorority girls, was indeed a terrible incident. But must other guys, receive a carpet bombing treatment if only to satiate these accusers and their insatiable anger, despite how said incident never affected them directly at all?

Instead of mindlessly condemning others, why not be appreciate that there are others who aren't as such? And be thankful that what we read in the news, is not a common thing. Since it's not a common thing, why do they need to whinge as though it is?

When you stereotype and generalise others, you bring yourself down. When you paint everybody with the same brush and colour, don’t complain about how it all looks the same. Perhaps it's because the perpetrator was on the receiving end of being stereotyped and despised in the first place, which led him to cause such a tragic act. Think about it.

Is your reaction of hate, perpetuating this cycle?

Dishonesty Veiled

Dishonesty has always been one of my greatest hate. If a war could be waged upon it, I would gladly lead that war in the front lines.

How is it that people can lie through their teeth without blinking an eye. Better yet, how are they able to believe in their own fabrication to the point it has become reality in their minds. They rather face believe their lies than to face the real truth and accept responsibility for their actions.

With such people who refuse to be accountable for their actions, how can anybody entrust anything important to them? Important things, like friendship and love. There is nothing to stop them from stabbing you as they see your back.

Liars will go all out of their way to embellish their story or false alibi in hopes of selling you their story, and hope you pay for it, with your trust, and more. For every question to their questionable action, they will always have some sort of excuse or "cover line" of which to evade the subject at hand.

They say action speaks louder than words... There is a good reason for that saying which lives on until this very day. A person who is trustworthy, does not need to sell himself. People will know through the consistency of his actions. Consistency. Perseverance.

If it's too good to be true, it probably is. I am a firm believer of working for my gain. Whatever I have, is through "toiling the earth" the honest way. You can only go so far in being dishonest.

Nothing good can start from deception and betrayal. And nothing will end well because of it.

Whoever loves righteousness, hates wickedness. Whoever loves wickedness, hates righteousness.

You cannot escape the truth, so might as well live responsibly because we all will face judgment in the end.

Bros for Hos

It pains me but I have to accept the fact that I have lost a friend who might as well be dead to me, dead to the world. All the years of giving a shit about him but he never seem to cared. Always only looking out for himself. Always not wanting to invest in anything other than what benefits himself.

If there’s one thing I will not tolerate is guys who forget about their friends and disappears from the face of the earth to be with a girl. And they only show up again asking to hang out when their girl is not available.

The biggest “f*** you”, I received today, and so far in my entire life. He was the one that asked to have dinner only to cancel it almost at the very last minute because apparently it sounded like there was an emergency.

Get this. He needed to be home because his needy excuse of a girlfriend was not feeling well and so she decided to go home early, have an early dinner and go to bed. According to him, she doesn’t like eating alone so he has to accompany her.

“Like what, on Skype!?” I asked for clarification. To which he reluctantly acknowledged.

I’m talking about a guy who gave up his entire life, to leave the country and be with her. Dropping all his progress in life, career, friends and family just to be with her. I tried not to pay it much mind but other people could also tell she was too needy. If you think this is romantic, I think it’s ridiculous.

Encouraging such dependent and spoiled behaviour. And for what? To feel useful? To give one’s self the illusion that he’s loved for “loving” her. So what happens if he doesn’t do all these? No love for the guy?

Another friend of mine was nonchalantly saying that once he finally goes over, and if she dumps him, it would be hilarious. I tried not to give in to that thought but it seems like the only comfort I could have.

Self-imposed Oblivion and Dignity

You know how some people say that success does not happen overnight? And how someone's personality was not the way they are all of a sudden. I also saw a quote at the National Registration Department recently saying that, "You don't fail overnight. Instead failure is a result of error in judgments made repeatedly."

The essence is that a person's predicament does not happen suddenly and without reason or cause. Mind you "smart" people out there who are thinking of instances of car accidents or coming down with a sickness.

Few years ago I was in one of my many negative modes where I believed that I would never amount to anything good. I was told that my outlook of life was self-fulfilling prophecy. I could not understand, in fact I strongly rejected the idea that I was putting myself in a situation where I was intentionally setting up myself for failure. Only now when I look at others experiencing what I had, do I understand better.

If a person keeps intentionally doing something the exact way which were not successful the last several times, but yet adamantly keeps repeating over and over again, it is hardly a surprise that he would definitely know very well what the outcome would be. What is ridiculous is that he would find some sort of pride in being able to show people that he was right in believing that his attempts are futile because he already knew what the ending would be.

The compounding problem is when he already is settled for that mindset, that he behaves, or rather lives his life revolving around that state of mind. The faux reality which he has overlaid over the real layer of the world. It is like wearing a pair of shit-tinted glasses. He starts to believe his own lie about what the world, what the people are like. This lie of course started out as a whisper, but the Prince of this World is cunning. Now the lie has become a reality in his eyes and his mind. I only pray that his heart will be the last hope of resistance, which will push back the onslaught and ultimately win back his thoughts and visions for good.

* * * * *

As he is oblivious to the reality of the situation, so too is he oblivious to how others who genuinely care, are feeling especially when people, like myself, are trying to restore dignity and self-respect in him. It seems to amount to nothing as my efforts are trampled upon as worthless. I also cannot help but feel that I am resented for what I have, for the little that I have.

It's one thing to envy and resent those who have more than we do, but to envy and resent those whom have less than you? That is very dangerous territory. Ungratefulness leads to resentment, which leads to disobedience and ultimately separation.

My mother told me that if a person is not grateful for what he has that he would never ever be grateful for what he would get. I in my impoverished state could not fathom the meaning to those words because anything we received would be more than what we ever had before. I only realised what she meant when I observed those who were well off and lived more than comfortable lives. Their desire for worldly gains was never quenchable. They always needed to have the next newer, better thing. It seemed as though they were subjects to their desires.

Thinking about how I am resented for what little that I have, which he does not have while he has so much more than me in terms of comforts and security really hurts me. Especially with so many things that he has done to which I consciously chose to turn a blind eye.

But yet, here I am striving to build up and restore dignity in his being, as oblivious as he is, blinded by his self-inflicted misery. All I feel as days go by is a faded friendship. I feel as though I am being treated more and more like just another person or annoyance in his life as he reinforces the wall around himself.

I've said it before that while he believes people are avoiding him, it is actually the other way around where he pushes people away. Over time out of respect for his strongly portrayed desire for privacy and solitude, people just stop approaching. But then in his head, he sees them as the one avoiding him.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

 

Just Sayings

There are some people who live by talking. There are those who talk by living.

How can he conjure up so much textual nonsense but yet do not live by his very own sayings? Two possibilities that are the only explanation for a person of this condition is retardation or blatant hypocrisy. It insults my intelligence. It shows he probably has none.

What is the point of speaking as though he knows, when nothing that he (assuming) has put into practice bear fruit?

If he complains on and on about how the world is unfair to him yet he does absolutely nothing worth to change his predicament, how does that make sense? One thousand and one so called reasons why changes cannot take place. He notices that he is not being treated the way he ideally expects he is entitled to. But he has done nothing to change that. Lead by example they say.

Other people are scum for treating him as such. But why is it fine when he does it to others? Especially to those whom he claims that he is close with? Intentionally lying may not be the agenda. But this is just ridiculous. So much talk while actions show otherwise. This is why the predicament remains. Because it's all talk. It's easier to gripe than to do something about it.

Despite all the excuses, people have given him opportunities to make something of himself. Opportunities to do things differently. But does he see it? No. Does he listen to things being spelled out explicitly for him? No. Excuses upon excuses to justify why he is unable take up the suggestions of others, who obviously have gone further than him.

Complaining that nobody shows him kindness and grace, but yet every gesture has been disregarded or thrown aside while he continues to treat them indifferently. Blinding himself to the blessings yet demanding something more. Expecting for so much when he has done so little. Is that fair at all?

The more I am inflicted with this, the more I believe that it is unnecessary for me to put up with it. Everybody has their limits. So do I. What is the point in me caring when it is met with indifference? I promise that the next time I am accused from the likes of him, I will have no more cheek to turn.

Someone else said that he has weird sense of priorities in life. Glad to know somebody else said the same thing as I have. The view of "me (and my family) against the world" will, if not already be his affliction of isolation.

Another thing: Loyalty is good and all provided if it is fair and wise. Zealously servicing those who you are loyal to, when in the wrong does not award you credits for effort. You are no different than those fanatics of religion.

Also, if you claim that you cannot read people's minds. Then don't expect other people to do so with you. It's just messed up.

"Grace before perfection" indeed. Receive grace but don't show grace, and especially no working towards perfection? Isn't that just taking the grace for granted?

Willfully Ignorant

If there is one thing that annoys me to no end is deliberate ignorance.

I am not talking about those who are genuinely in the dark but those who are implicitly told or shown but yet they with every fibre of their being refuses to acknowledge. They behave as such primarily to avoid being in the wrong. But to what gains? What is the point having a "portfolio" of good track record when the only evaluator is themselves?

* * * * *

It's 3:42AM and I cannot sleep. Why? Because I am angry over the day's event which I woke up to and really did not need to deal with. But instead I chose to be nice. I chose to entertain it.

I get accused of allegedly committing some supposedly breach of verbal contract where I am committed to performing some task, in a game, with a friend and his sister every week. Now I was not aware of such a thing and I with my clear conscience have never made such an agreement.

But this confrontational discussion which my friend engaged with me was not for seeking understanding or clearing any miscommunication (not on my part that's for damn sure). He was set to persecute somebody, anybody in attempts to vindicate his beloved sister. Fighting to restore her honour or dignity if you will. Apparently in his words, or maybe hers, I caused her "grief".

Whatever attempts to justify myself (which I now regretted even bothering to do) were all dismissed with double-standard and bias responses, which seemed fine when he was putting it to me, but invalid when I pointed out several more instances, which they practise.

"I don't like it when my family members are mistreated," said he, whom I saw at best, delusional and wanting to slay some hallucinated villain that had besmirched his sister. I could have easily taken that statement as a threat. And I do not take kindly to threats. But because of my choice, I chose to let it slide.

At the end of the day, logic had no significance in our conversation. It was all emotion. All about one person felt that she was wronged and somebody needed to pay for it. It was all that mattered. So people knowing that I am a nice person and often being the proverbial doormat, gets stepped on once again.

For the sake of getting him off my back, I formally apologised that she was led to believe such a dubious accusation took place. And that I never intended for her to be misled. Sure I apologised but the more I think about it, I am now not in the least bit sorry.

Why is it that when people whine about others being inconsiderate, it often somehow relates to the alleged inconsiderate person not doing something for them. They never weigh their own contributions to see whether such ironically self-centered statements warrant are even worth a thought.

The additional irony is that after all the barrage of attacks on me, he goes to trivialise my action asking me if it was worth me doing what I did. Trivial for me, but not for him or his sister right? People in the same situation should never ever trivialise the worth of an action or a situation that they themselves are in as well. If it's not important to you, get out of my face?

I've often lamented about how pointless it is of being close to a person only for them to have it easier in slapping you in the face. I was caught unaware, though not unsurprising this time around. Looking at the entire scheme of things, it is definitely unsurprising why some people are in their predicament. But hey, there's always an excuse for it. There's always somebody else to blame.

If there were lessons to be learnt from this whole incident. It would be to not ever expect that they know better. It is also clear to me that I should redraw the lines of loyalty. After all, they only care about their own feelings. Would it be wrong if I looked after my own? Or is that considered selfish as well?

I have come this far only to be treated as such. Jokes on me!

Contra of Paradox

It has always been about doing good. Doing the best that I can. And after that, everything will follow through as God will handle the rest. Often at times I feel the weight of this burden of walking the path of righteousness, trying to live as least of a blameless life as I can.

Yet I see the ignorant others, regardless of their awareness, living life happily as they wish without worrying whether they are living according to our beliefs. And yet, they seem to be doing well and more often than not, doing better than me. It is hard not to compare when I see more effort on my part than they while my life continues to remain stagnant in places where I see needs of assistance.

I cannot help but ask, what problems would they have which commensurate with the blessings that they receive? Far from capitalistic way of distribution. I feel as though a socialist form of blessing would benefit me more these days.

There is no such thing as equal love. I have been getting the short end of the stick long enough to know.

In Other Words... No Change

Some people think they are so smart by resorting to a different method of avoiding the need to change for the better. Newsflash! Nothing changes!

All these "agree to disagree".
All these "disgress".
All these "moving on".

They all show one thing. Inability to accept what has been said albeit in a more polite way. Like if there was a polite way in saying "f*** you!"

Same old thing happening again and again. What is the use of harping over something when no solution has changed or improved. Let alone try a solution at all! The inertia will only destroy the self eventually if it persists.

As they always say, one should not complain if one does not even want to help.
If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.

A person who disagrees must have very good reasons and should be better in rebutting what has been put forth. Rather than just disagreeing for the sake of not wanting to admit the truth of the matter. Sticking their head in the sand? Playing the fiddle when Rome burns? You get the idea.

If they do not want to face the facts and do something about it, they should cease making noise about their predicament because then it would be none other than self-fulfilling prophecy.

Move On or Stay There

"Then they despised the pleasant land; they did not believe his promise. They grumbled in their tents and did not obey the LORD."
- Psalm 106:24-25

A spirit of discontent is a dangerous one. It is one that easily turns away from believing and forgets all the good that has been blessed. For what? Seeking what others have? Wanting to attain what others have, albeit bordering an unhealthy mind does not mean a thing when nothing significant is put into effort in order to acquire the desire.

How can you get angry for not getting something by doing nothing? It does not make sense! If a life of self sufficiency and comfort is all you ask for, then that is already your lot in life. If you have supposed justifications and reasons for not wanting to even work on new or different things, please do not make as though that what happens or what does not happen, is something uncommon.

For the things you wish you could have without putting the time and effort into being capable of handling it... It is ridiculous. With the more important things in life such as building relationships, there is no instant noodle method to it.

You can't make yourself change instantly to become a better person just for another. It is not natural. It is not sincere. It is done with the purpose of desire for the other. But is it truly your real self as how you would behave? True change must be with conviction.

The opportunity to change while idle is there for the taking, in preparation of what is to come. If one does not make the changes, how can he expect to receive something he is incapable of taking charge? If you do not want to be a leader then you will not be given a position of which you are to lead. And if you are not a leader, who would look to you for anything? If you are unable to even take charge of your own life, who would look to you for anything?

Straight and True

"Watch out for people who try to dazzle you with big words and intellectual double-talk. They want to drag you off into endless arguments that never amount to anything. They spread their ideas through the empty traditions of human beings and the empty superstitions of spirit beings. But that's not the way of Christ."
- Colossians 2:8

When a person cannot seem to give me a reply that is straight, I tend to be wary of the person's character. The fact of the matter is this:

If you cannot tell the truth, it means you are afraid of doing so.
If you are afraid of doing so, it means you are hiding something.
If you are hiding something, it means you are afraid of the truth.

People can argue over this trying to justify "withholding the truth" is not the same as lying.
That may be true, but I would not use the word "lying". I would say it is dishonesty.

It annoys me to no end when a person who is label themselves a believer of the faith, while intentionally being dishonest. And that person rather than answer truthfully and simple would rather take greater effort to evade answering while diverting attention to other matters. In doing all that, the person attempts to take the moral high ground. Amazing! The person even proceeds to say that they refuse to dignify with a response.

Such hubris.

When a person finds it difficult to answer truthfully and chooses to be prickly about it at the same time antagonises me, well... Good luck to them with their future relations. They must have pretty high standards... so much so that nobody is able to get close to them. That could explain why these people are alone. Sadly to the end of their days.

A cup that is full cannot take in anymore water. I rather be inferior and with friends.

Could Care Less

Why do I care? Why should I care?

Why are the standards that I must follow be so high? Why does it look as though I am the only one that is giving a damn what happens to those who have fallen so far?

When I was younger, I usually experienced too many times the situation whereby I am doing all I can with all my earnest efforts, thinking I am doing a pretty good job at it only to find out that nobody else was doing the same. In fact they would look at me as though I was weird. Eventually I found out that what I did was not the most "sensible" way of doing it. It always appeared as though I was spending too much energy into doing things inefficiently which often at times make me question my intelligence.

I would ask myself,

"Why am I that stupid to be doing it this way when everybody else isn't?"
"Why has nobody ever taught me to do things their way?"

As far as I can remember, I always believed that I was the odd one out. The one who does not seem to be able to get along with a group. My sincerity in caring never was really appreciated. There were even a few times when I chose to harden my heart and continue with my life not making detours for those who seemed like they need help.

Nice guys finishing last is fine. However, to not finish at all while also being left for dead is another thing altogether.

As of late, I have been afflicted with illnesses that may be permanent. I have been wondering if I should focus on recuperating as much as possible at the expense of leaving people in the dust and letting themselves sort their own mess, or should I give up what is left of my life in hopes they can have some. At least what is left of their squandered years.

Please open up their eyes that they may see.

Perception Management

"Stop deceiving yourselves. If you think you are wise by this world’s standards, you need to become a fool to be truly wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness to God. As the Scriptures say, 'He traps the wise in the snare of their own cleverness.' And again, 'The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise; He knows they are worthless.'"

- 1 Corinthians 3:18 - 20

Agree to disagree? That is only your own opinion. That is only their perception.

I agree there are some things that we can agree to disagree. Such as which flavour of ice cream is the best. What features constitutes physical attractiveness to an individual. How we choose to eat our food - do we prefer soup or kon low. Those are considered trivial to me and not worth participating in an argument over.

What I cannot agree to disagree are universal truths. In particular, my faith. The faith which is shared with many others. I do not wish to refer to it as a religion for we see it as more of a relationship with our God. If theology is not your cup of tea, kindly leave this article. Though I am in no means seeking to preach, I do wish to share about point of views. Perceptions.

It bothers me that there are those who do not wish to accept the truth of reality. They live in their own world thinking their logic and supposed wisdom is all they need as their moral compass to get by in life and partake in the splendours of the sweet hereafters when they die. In my faith, it is called heaven.

But if there are already guidelines, more experienced and elder people who may provide more insights into the beliefs and practice, it would not make any sense to not listen to them. If only to learn a fragment more than before. It would be something to gain compared to gaining nothing.

When a person denies everything else except for his own interpretations, how then can he claim to be a part of a larger group? If a person cherry picks what he wants to hear while throwing out all that is unpleasant to his ears, though he knows there is truths in them... how then can he claim to know enough?

It should be obvious if he who has done things his way for many years only to reach the same disappointing ending, that he would try to seek alternatives. Seeking alternatives, trying other practices that would even remotely seem like they have produced favourable results for other people.

Would that not pique his interest, causing him to ask, "What has that person been doing, that he has successful results? Maybe I should try it to see if it works."

Or should he go, "That is a different case, it surely won't work for me."

* * * * *

As I was relating this to a friend. I realised that a certain government also behaved the same way. Where international researches have showed the country's poor governance. And all the government would respond is by saying  the research results were merely the researchers' perception. While majority of the citizens of the country are feeling first hand, the research results. However the government chooses to stick its head in the sand.

* * * * *

As long there is no improvement needed, nothing will change. If nothing changes, there will be no improvement. Sadly, some people never see change in their lifetime. They should have asked themselves what could they have done to improve, rather than saying that they did all that they could. Nobody is perfect. So how can one self-regulate himself accurately? If there are others to learn from, would it not make sense to take advantage of that opportunity? Why reject them, thinking their views are not good? If they are not good, then why is what they have otherwise been employing, proven to be unsuccessful time and time again?

* * * * *

How can one shun the act of condemning a soul to be hopeless in being saved or helped when one condemns the land and its collective of people so easily of being hopeless in being saved? It may take years and years. Some people went through years and years of disappointment only to experience results eventually. So who is to say something cannot be saved when one has not even done anything in his capacity to help?

Tidak Apa Attitude

All my life, I have believed that I had to live a life being as righteous or blameless as possible. Trying to right my wrongs as soon as I realised or brought to realise them. It was definitely a struggle at the very beginning but as years go by, it has naturally become me.

Some may say that I have been indoctrinated or brainwashed. However if they know me well enough, they will know that I still am very much sensible and logical. In fact, I find myself to be cognitively more adept than those who believe in no belief. If that is not enough evidence that I am sane and have not lost my mind. I do not know what is.

Perhaps I could not see my progress until standing beside others. I have come to realise that there is a disease, a plague here. Where people have become so complacent in their current state that they see no need for self improvement and development. They see no urgency to equip themselves for whatever may come. They see no need to see what comes ahead.

Some people call it happy go lucky. I call it shortsightedness and foolish. Why do people continue leaving things until the 11th hour before actually acting upon it? Why is it that only towards the end they realise the dire need for something to be done? Especially when they could have done it in good time way before. What astonishes me is that they can continue living like this, doing last minute patch works as they go along with life, assuming that everything in life can be fixed at the very last minute.

Do they even think about anybody other than themselves? Do they not realise that some of their decisions or non-decision are affecting the people who love them? The only sin they ever did was to care for them. Yet they do not care about themselves.

Generations have fallen to this sickness. Think about it, what our future will be like when these people run the country. When these people take up responsibilities that have the rest of the nation in their hands. If you think what we are facing now is bad, just wait 'till the newer ones take place. It may escalate in improvement, but it may very well escalate in deterioration.

Decade of Exasperation

Ever felt a frustration so tiring that you just feel like letting go and not care anymore about what would happen? In this instance, I am referring to other people. Why care for other people? Why put so much hope, energy and time to look out for them when time and time again it is apparent they do not listen.

They do not listen, and yet they fail as predicted and foretold. You would think they would learn from their mistakes. However they do not. They continue living and repeating these mistakes as though what they have suffered previously, never happened. I am at a lost in making sense to this. It is something only having Alzheimer's would be excusable.

I am frustrated. My mind is spent trying to speak some sense into these people. Though I am well aware that it is not any of my business, it is something I felt that I should point out. Rather than having to think "what if" and regret not at least trying. Now I can say, at least I have tried. Over and over and over and over again.

There will come a day when I eventually say "no more". There will come a day when I will leave and never return. To some obviously, it would be a good thing.