Life is Cheap As Long As It Isn't Ours

Few days ago, a Nepalese man committed suicide by jumping off  the roof of a three-storeyed row of shop lots in the upper class area of Taman Tun Dr. Ismail (TTDI).

Read Nepali jumps to his death from roof of shoplot for the context.

Needless to say it was a tragic incident. According to the writer of the following article, as provided in the link, he/she is disgusted with how people responded to the incident. Particularly the people on social media.

Read Rich in your pocket, poor in your soul - A disgusted TTDI resident to get the backstory.

The writer expressed disdain over the people's apathy and those who even encouraged the suicide to happen. And that these people placed more priority in other things like lost pets, food sales, restaurant reviews, crime and traffic problems. The writer even singled out the residents of TTDI.

Time and time again, there will be those who supposedly take the moral high ground and rebuke others for behaving less than expected. In this case the writer, who is even a TTDI resident, criticising his own neighbourhood. If I would be so inclined as to throw a thoughtless judgemental response, I'd say that this person took the pre-emptive measures to cover his/her ass at the expense of criticising his fellow residents.

To act astonished by the type of people you find on the internet is to be naïve and ignorant. The world is full of people with ugly souls and are concealed for they are often too afraid to show in person. Attempts to rebuke people on the internet, let alone in real life, is a futile attempt – sorry to say. For as long as we have free will, everybody will do whatever they want as long as they can get away with it. If you want to see change in this area, then make sure that people are educated properly. Parents' upbringing play an important role in this area, like it or not.

The Nepalese who committed suicide did it by his own free will. Nothing that the people online could say would have changed anything. Their actions merely revealed who they are inside. Not justifying their behaviour... but who are we to control how others think or behave, whether right or wrong?

The writer did display some level of awareness that there is more that the country could do to address exploitation of foreign workers. Before any improvements to the nation can take place, we first need to look to ourselves. For as long as majority of the people keep looking out only for themselves, the country will remain scattered with no unity towards common goals for the benefit of all. Just like a boat with everybody paddling in different directions.

It doesn't matter if you're rich or poor. If you don't have proper values, you just don't. Having the privilege of being in the upper class of society does not make you benevolent, intelligent or sophisticated by default. Refer to the phrase “nice guys finish last”. I have rarely met rich people who are genuinely nice. These people are often more concerned about their possessions and personal status over other people. So, there wasn't anything that the netizens could say to undo the tragic act, regardless of whatever class they belong to.

Do I agree that their goading comments were inappropriate? Yes, I do. They were disrespectful, but then again, what else is new with us “civilised” humans? As I once heard from a respected leader... we can have the world's greatest man to lead the country, but if the individuals themselves refuse to change their ways for the better, what good is that one man? We shouldn't look to others to change when we know very well ourselves that we have free will and hate being told what to do.

Comfortable people should be the last to complain.

Exodus: The Road

Nearer towards the end of 2012, I received an email from a company who was my client during my previous work life. They asked if I could help with their work, which I had been doing for them annually for the past five years. Being cautious, and of principle, I had to make sure that I would not have been unknowingly stealing a client from my previous work place. After confirmations, I agreed to take the job. For some strange reason I believed that God provided me with the opportunity as some form of sustenance during my "rest". While taking up the job imposed several obstacles, I said to Him that if this is what He wanted, it would be what I will do. Failure or success would be part of His plan.

I had applied to several companies in hopes of eventually landing some interviews. I would like to think that I am one of those people with the worst luck when it comes to applying for jobs. All these job search sites might as well be liars to me.

Meanwhile a friend had been pushing me to meet up with a friend of hers who ran a headhunting agency for a while. I was reluctant to go the entire time because I just did not feel at ease meeting them on top of that prior to leaving my previous job, I barely had any time to myself. So it came to the point where I had nothing to lose, so I relented. I thought the idea of a headhunting agency was to help you get a job, but the owner of this company seemed to be more interested to tell me about his success story of where he is today and to also find faults with me. If that had been his intention all along, then I commend him for a job well done. The experience that day only served to reinforce my reservations for accepting people's help. Despite them meaning well, sometimes it does more harm than help. This would also be an extra point in going against the common saying of "How would you know if you don't try?", "Give them a benefit of a doubt." and "You are too quick to judge."

My senses have rarely let me down. It's when I allow others the benefit of a doubt that I more often than not, end up getting burned for it.

Later on, another friend, with whom I am often at odds recommended me to apply at a company who had a vacancy for a writer. The interview went well, the interviewer was impressed. However I did not get the job due to some fancy jargon, with which I could have made my own assumptions but I chose not to care. I just said to God, that this was probably His doing and that I trusted Him in the entire situation.

Time was and is still drawing closer towards my big day of symbolising my life's commitment to my beloved and without a certain way of securing a monthly income, the heat started to get more uncomfortable. During my idle time as well, I made it an effort to be of help to anyone I could. To the very least become a person whom they could talk to. Since I had nothing better to do anyway, might as well do some good.

As time went on, I felt that I was being spoken to from several sources that said the same thing.

Exodus: Truly?

For those who know me, as much as I try to write about positive aspects of life, I tend to digress towards being my old self where I observed and criticised the behaviour of people in general. Most of the time my thoughts dwell on the negative. Though I have tried adding constructive criticisms; treating the effects as symptoms and understanding the cause while attempting to provide a suggestion or remedy, if you will. As I struggled with my life for the past few months, I now realise that it was during that time in the proverbial wilderness and silence was when my attention was brought back to God.

In the quiet wait of uncertainty, it was a constant battle but fortunately a stalemate between keeping calm while trusting Him and giving up, giving in to despair. Looking back at my other experiences, it seems to be a recurring pattern. It always comes down to being left with nothing before I am able to regain focus of Him and when that happens, everything would fall into place.

To write it so plainly, does not do justice. It reads as though it is merely as simple as returning to Him and everything becomes right as rain. I wish it were so. Perhaps it would have been easier if I were a child. Back then it was easier to trust and to try. And as I grow older, the comfort and safety of routine becomes more enticing. The uncertainties of life just becomes more real. Unlike most normal families, I never had much of a safety net others would know their parents to be. Come to think about it, my life has been somewhat like AirAsia; no frills, except that I didn't get to choose the flight.

Anyways for those who know me, I was out of a job for the final quarter of 2012. It was indeed a big risk to have quit my previous job without securing the next. It was no surprise that most of my friends somehow radiated their aura of disapproval of my decision and could only cover it with weak words of encouragement. I don't blame them and I do agree with their thoughts. Any right-minded, logical-thinking person would not have done so. I would like to believe that it was "now or never" at that point of time as the only way was up. If you watched The Dark Knight Rises, you would remember Bane's prison. Yeah something like that.

During the four months of being unemployed. I tried to relax as much as I could by passing the time with activities I enjoy. Surprisingly, or maybe unsurprisingly my high blood pressure went down. I managed to get more rest than I would have gotten while working in the previous job. I also only ate whenever I was hungry, which also contributed to a weight lost. I did what I could to distract myself from freaking out at the thought of indefinite unemployment. I would not have been affected so much if I did not have a wedding in the coming few months.

Being the skeptic and cynic that I am, despite brothers and sisters being so kind with words of encouragement that everything would be alright and that He had it all covered. I somewhat felt that perhaps I would never be good enough for any job given my track record of less than decent performances since high school days. I was never a good student because I had a difficult time grasping the concept of what teachers and lecturers convey. I often thought that maybe I was slow or had some unknown disability. Needless to say, self esteem was always much desired.

Towards the end of 2012, I often kept hearing people talk about being obedient to God, though I never paid much attention to it. I already had a hard time straining to "listen" for His voice. I always wonder how God speaks to so many people but I could never hear Him. What sin did I commit to render myself deaf? Little did I know what was in store for me.