Tidak Apa Attitude

All my life, I have believed that I had to live a life being as righteous or blameless as possible. Trying to right my wrongs as soon as I realised or brought to realise them. It was definitely a struggle at the very beginning but as years go by, it has naturally become me.

Some may say that I have been indoctrinated or brainwashed. However if they know me well enough, they will know that I still am very much sensible and logical. In fact, I find myself to be cognitively more adept than those who believe in no belief. If that is not enough evidence that I am sane and have not lost my mind. I do not know what is.

Perhaps I could not see my progress until standing beside others. I have come to realise that there is a disease, a plague here. Where people have become so complacent in their current state that they see no need for self improvement and development. They see no urgency to equip themselves for whatever may come. They see no need to see what comes ahead.

Some people call it happy go lucky. I call it shortsightedness and foolish. Why do people continue leaving things until the 11th hour before actually acting upon it? Why is it that only towards the end they realise the dire need for something to be done? Especially when they could have done it in good time way before. What astonishes me is that they can continue living like this, doing last minute patch works as they go along with life, assuming that everything in life can be fixed at the very last minute.

Do they even think about anybody other than themselves? Do they not realise that some of their decisions or non-decision are affecting the people who love them? The only sin they ever did was to care for them. Yet they do not care about themselves.

Generations have fallen to this sickness. Think about it, what our future will be like when these people run the country. When these people take up responsibilities that have the rest of the nation in their hands. If you think what we are facing now is bad, just wait 'till the newer ones take place. It may escalate in improvement, but it may very well escalate in deterioration.

You've Got Your Troubles, I've Got Mine

For every popular person, there will be a whole lot of fans... and a whole lot of haters. Fans adore their idol for whatever reasons. From appreciating the attractive physical appearances to quality of personality. However today I would like to focus more on the haters.

I used to be a hater... perhaps I still am. However as years have gone by, I have become more relaxed. I used to be intolerant of other people and their fortunes in life, their privileges. Especially those that did not earn what they have. They were just by chance, born into a wealthy family.

I have rarely met people from privileged backgrounds who were kind, generous or even wise. They seem to always be so focused on themselves despite all their needs already fulfilled or would be. What vexes me is that they can actually lament about their woes in front of people who are obviously less fortunate than they.

The less fortunate get by with life despite the crises that the rich suffer from.

That was my personal beef. The fortunate, or the people who were better off than most, having the audacity to whine about their supposed lot in life. It is an insult to people below their status. It is a slap to the face.

After going through some messages. I now care less of what other people have, that I do not. Coveting something that was never meant to be mine is not productive, it does not help in any way. It only makes me bitter with what I have, casting it aside and just hoping to acquire what the have, to mimic their being? Would I really gain? What price would I have to pay to have what others have? What do I need to sacrifice? What is the point of hoping to gain that which comes to another effortlessly, while I have to give up so much for it?

Everyone has their blessings and shortcomings. Just because some people are seen in their good form does not mean they do not ever have problems. One person's crisis is another person's triviality. We may never ever see it in our lifetime, just as how others will never know the things we go through. But they are there.

Today, I carry my own cross. And I do not envy the cross of others.
When I am asked by He, "Do you love Me?"
I will not look to others as they will not have the answer I would need to give.

Decade of Exasperation

Ever felt a frustration so tiring that you just feel like letting go and not care anymore about what would happen? In this instance, I am referring to other people. Why care for other people? Why put so much hope, energy and time to look out for them when time and time again it is apparent they do not listen.

They do not listen, and yet they fail as predicted and foretold. You would think they would learn from their mistakes. However they do not. They continue living and repeating these mistakes as though what they have suffered previously, never happened. I am at a lost in making sense to this. It is something only having Alzheimer's would be excusable.

I am frustrated. My mind is spent trying to speak some sense into these people. Though I am well aware that it is not any of my business, it is something I felt that I should point out. Rather than having to think "what if" and regret not at least trying. Now I can say, at least I have tried. Over and over and over and over again.

There will come a day when I eventually say "no more". There will come a day when I will leave and never return. To some obviously, it would be a good thing.

Thoughts on Grandparents

It was once again the Chinese New Year celebration. It gives everyone an opportunity to publicly indulge in greed and gluttony in the comfort of their friends and family. Some would travel far, returning to their parents or grandparents' place of origins.

As for me, my kampung has always been the city. Both my grandparents were city folks. I never had the opportunity to know my grandfathers, as they were gone before I realised my existence. It was also difficult to communicate with my grandmothers - before they died - due to the language barrier. So family reunions never meant much to me. It meant even less as time went on.

This is not a self-pitying reflection, mind you. Merely establishing the setting for the following. I am happy for those who still have all four of their grandparents still living. I am happy for those who have had grandfathers with whom to spend time.

Whenever I go to shopping malls, I might see an elderly gentleman taking his grandchild out for the day. Taking him or her to McDonald's for a meal. It never fails to provide me a form of contentment for them.

Sure, I wish I was able to experience spending time with my grandfathers, listening to their tales of yore. Having them take me back through time as they relive their past to provide some sense to the present and possible future. However, that did not happen. I do not resent what could have been.

This evening, I had a reunion dinner with my maternal extended family. I always enjoy watching the interactions between one of my uncles and his grandson. It is always exciting to hear how he talks about his grandson. Some of things his grandson; cousin's son does are things that I can relate to, which reminds me of the days when I was his age.

I used to view my uncle as high ranked person in a large corporate environment and very knowledgeable and informed man. In fact, I think I have learned a few things from him about life as well. Now, seeing him as a grandfather was something pleasantly surprising to me. I like the way how he is so careful of what his grandson eats - his likes and dislikes. I like how he responded rapidly to damage control, when the kid's drink was accidentally spilled on the table. He was about to cry, but his granddad quickly got him a replacement drink.

I believe parents play important roles in their children's lives. Grandparents help enrich the upbringing of the children. Although I never had the privilege of such experiences, I strive to be someone respectable of my lineage. The past is gone, the future is upon us. I of my family, determine how this continues. One day, I hope to enrich the lives of my children and my children's children.